So I have never been a blogger, but I am hoping that by doing it I can relieve myself of things that are on my chest plus let you guys know more about me. Words have always been my friend but I have deserted them currently and it sucks. lol. So here goes.

So my husband, Charles, and I got married on May 21 of this year. I left him on August 8 because of his drinking which we had gotten rid of once before. Needless to say we are back together, no alcohol involved, and things are wonderful. We are becoming closer again like we use to be when we first met and laughter actually echoes through our home. My soul is so much cleaner now.

On a sadder note, we were pregnant with our second and due February 24 2009. We found out this past week at a midwife visit that we lost the baby. THe first appointment I went to I heard the heartbeat, loud and strong. The second time I went and there was none to hear was one of the hardest things I ever did. Just knowing that it was alright and now it's not gets to me. I wondered at first if it happened because of the weekend when I left my husband, or if it was because I used a heating pad too early, if it was because I didn't drink enough water, if when I went swimming I stayed under too long, or if something was just wrong from the start. I have stopped wondering though because it will drive me mad and because there's a reason nature won over nuture. We already have one beautiful daughter, which is more then a lot of women are able to have. So we feel lucky just to have her.

Passing this mass hurts so badly though. It's like as soon as my abdomen is relaxed from the contraction another starts. And my daughter doesn't help the pain by treating me like a personal jungle gym. lol. It's just a lot on me right now. Plus Charles just got laid off from his steady full time job. His brother-in-law is the boss and decided one day that he didn't have enough profit coming in to pay Charles. So he calls us up one day and says "I'm sorry, I don't need you from today forward." Bull****. Bills were due the next day and he knew it. I'm trying not to stress because this kind of stuff happens to me all the time. Normally I can keep my head up and be fine, but right now it is hard to do. Extremely hard to do.

We are wanting to move back to the north Ga mountains. I use to live in Rabun County, about a mile from Lake Burton, and I miss it so much. I have not been able to paint a decent painting or write a good song since I have been down here. I miss the serenity of my cabin. So we are looking for cabins that are in our price range to rent. It's just so hard to find something that we would actually be capable of keeping. I hope we can though. It would feel so good to be home.

I should probably start my yoga again. I haven't done it in a while. It'll probably help clear my auora....if you have gotten through all this, thank you for reading it. I hope it didn't bore you too badly. It just helps to tell someone and get some kind of response. Vibes go so far....and huggs always help.