When parents say, "It's bedtime, kids!" discipline
frequently follows.
If any (or all!) of the following sound familiar, know
you're not alone
- "One more story...pleassssse!"
- "I need another glass of water."
- "Can I stay up just 15 more minutes?"
Bedtime delays are an epidemic problem that plagues most
households. If it's not one more story, it's "ten more
minutes" of their favorite show or dawdling in the bathroom.
We've all been there.
Bedtime + Kids + Discipline + Anger = More Problems
When your child puts up a fight at bedtime, responding
with anger can often create even more problems. Your best
bet is to be firm, yet loving. How?
One of the most effective methods I have found is
outlined on page 152 of my book When You're About To Go
Off The Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids With You. Here it
is:
1. Tell Your Child What You Are Going To Do. Say
something like, "Part of what I love to do with you is read
stories at bedtime, but sometimes I feel frustrated when
bedtime takes a lot longer than it needs to be. So from now
on, I will be at your bedside promptly at ____PM to tuck you
in. If you are not there at that time all ready to be tucked
in, I will start getting ready for bed myself. If you would
like a hug you can come and find me for a quick one, but I
will not return to your room."
2. Follow Through. As stated be in their room on
time. Give them one five-minute warning if you feel it is
necessary (although it is not). If they are not ready, leave
and be prepared to keep your mouth shut at all costs,
regardless of tears, angry words or pleas to be tucked in.
Go into the bathroom, lock the door, and get yourself ready
for bed. Give one hug if they ask, then continue with your
tasks. If they try to get you involved, simply say, "I'll be
happy to speak with you in the morning. Sweet dreams." And
that is all.
Responding to difficulties in this way encourages your
children to be punctual and when it comes to bedtime.
Kids' discipline doesn't have to be harsh to be
effective. Going to bed without a story is a commonsense
consequence that results from bedtime dawdling. Usually,
even a small consequence like this is enough to encourage
your son or daughter to make good time management choices
the next night.
Dealing with the Boogieman
Fears are natural, and your children will face many
throughout their lifetime. The best thing you can do is to
help them learn to deal with these fears, including the
fears they face at bedtime.
Take time to understand your son's or daughter's fears,
and validate their feelings-but stay firm on the need for
them to stay in their own room at night.
Instead of letting them take refuge in your room, help
them find ways of making it safe. Each time your child comes
into your room, take them back to their own room and stay
with them for a couple of minutes. Tell them that you have
faith in their ability to handle the situation. Instead of
telling them there is no boogieman, ask them what the
boogieman is like, why he is there, and what he wants.
You can even brainstorm with your child possible ways to
live together peacefully with this creature. Suggest writing
a note to the boogieman or visualizing a magical fortress
that protects their bed. When they make it through a night
on their own, encourage them.
Silent Night...All Is Calm
With a little bit of practice, nighttime doesn't have to
be fight time at your house. You don't have the fear the
words, "It's bedtime, kids!" Discipline and angry words
aren't good approaches, but gentle, loving, firm patience
that encourages your child to make good decisions is right
on target.
Before you know it, bedtime dawdling will be gone for
good!
